Fields Marriage Blogs

     I like to think of myself as a people person: kind, friendly, helpful and charismatic. I love solving problems, helping to fix difficulties, and take pride in giving.   I can make myself comfortable with strangers, and have no ulterior motives when opening up to people. I'm not overly aggressive or competitive, so as a result have had few serious altercations throughout my life. Coincidentally, I get along with women easier than men, and have a knack for easy friendly conversation with them. This has proven advantageous in personal as well as business relationships in my life; because almost all former bosses have been women, and it was also easy to meet and get to know girls to date when I developed relationships before marriage (I mention female bosses along with relationships only to demonstrate my ease of conversing with women).   So basically my point is that I am easy going, friendly and easy to talk to. Where this has caused turmoil is after my ...

http://goodnature.nathab.com               In his book "the Seven Principles to Making Marriage Work," Dr. John Gottman Principle number 6 is labeled "Overcome Gridlock" (chp 11, p.236). He describes gridlock as pretty much a standstill, where parties involved will not budge or compromise their stance in order for the other side to gain ground. He goes on to state that, while there are sometimes gridlocks between couples that are "momentous, much of the time the difficulties would seem ridiculously trivial to anyone outside of the relationship."   (p. 236 par.2). So how do such trivial problems balloon to be so deadlocked? Dr. Gottman states all gridlocked disagreements share four characteristics. They are:   Having the same argument over and over with no resolution.   Neither party can address the issue with humor, empathy or affection. Issue becomes more polarizing as time goes on . Compromise s...

     In his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", Dr. John Gottman talks about two kinds of marital conflict and how couples may overcome these conflicts. The first he speaks of is the "perpetual problems". As he describes these troubles couples face, ranging from things like how one spouse acts in public, to orderliness versus messiness, to how each partner views faith and religion differently. As Dr. Gottman explains, couples who have these significant (most of the time unchanging) differences but still remain happy in marriage, have found ways to accept the character flaws in the other instead of trying to change each other.      I have a friend whose parents are like this: When they go out to celebrate holidays and special occasions, there is often drinking involved. Though neither of the couple drinks often, it seems that sometimes the wife has a bit much, and inhibitions are lowered. When this happens, she beco...

Principle number 4 from Dr. John Gottman is: “Letting your Partner Influence You”. In the chapter, Dr. Gottman gives many detailed examples of partners allowing influence as well as not. He also tells of studies of couples him and his staff have observed in order to get a statistical standing when his advice is taken or not. For instance, he tells us that his long-term study of 130 newlywed couples over eight years, he found that, “even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives’ influence.” He goes on to note that, “Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct.” (the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Gottman/ pg. 116 par2) So why are there men who resist this? What’s the magic potion that makes men not want a happier more stable lif...