Dangerous Friendships

     I like to think of myself as a people person: kind, friendly, helpful and charismatic. I love solving problems, helping to fix difficulties, and take pride in giving.  I can make myself comfortable with strangers, and have no ulterior motives when opening up to people. I'm not overly aggressive or competitive, so as a result have had few serious altercations throughout my life. Coincidentally, I get along with women easier than men, and have a knack for easy friendly conversation with them. This has proven advantageous in personal as well as business relationships in my life; because almost all former bosses have been women, and it was also easy to meet and get to know girls to date when I developed relationships before marriage (I mention female bosses along with relationships only to demonstrate my ease of conversing with women).  So basically my point is that I am easy going, friendly and easy to talk to. Where this has caused turmoil is after my single life ended and married life began.
           For a time I didn't realize the changes necessary with marriage, and I mistakenly believed all that changed was whom I lived with and the ring on my finger. I was still outgoing, friendly, charismatic and flirtatious, (albeit innocently), but was unable to recognize I was subtly neglecting the most important person in my life: my wife. Some examples were: 

  •  Going out to lunches and hangouts with women I worked with 
  •  Emailing, talking on Facebook, and texting conversations with female friends 
  • Inside jokes that could be misconstrued as innuendoes 
  • NOT introducing my wife to every and all females I considered my friends


       I saw all of this innocently. I was not thinking of or acting on anything but what I understood was just friendliness and playful banter. I knew I was not being unfaithful to my wife, nor did I fantasize such. But where the innocence ended and danger stepped in was this: my wife could not read my mind, or I hers. All she saw was that I was giving attention to other women who weren't her. When I was talking, joking and spending time with other females, though innocently, it was time that should have belonged to my wife. The "innocent flirty texts" should have not been (comfort breeds temptation); and what I naively misunderstood, was that any friends of mine should also be friends of my companion; I shouldn't have had any friends who were not her friends as well.

     When things came to a head and I was finally made to understand that my "innocent sharing of myself" was perceived as emotional infidelity by my spouse, I was angry and defensive at first, but after speaking with our Bishop and reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball, I understood where my wife was coming from and the error of my ways. I did not commit adultery, but if I would have ignored the warnings, it would have shown my wife that I didn't care about her feelings and did not love her.  When I think of hurting the person I pledged my life to and how our relationship could have been irreparably damaged it frightens me. Satan has subtle ways of destroying our lives and happiness if we aren't constantly on guard; even if we mistakenly believe no harm is being done.


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