Fields Marriage Blogs

In the book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" Dr. John Gottman lists Principle 3 as: "Turn towards each other instead of away". This title has obvious multiple meanings with none being negative. When I read the title of the chapter, I thought of when I first got married and I looked my new bride in the eye while we held hands and swore our vows to each other. At that time, we were facing each other in a physical, emotional and spiritual way. Dr. Gottman goes beyond the physical ways we face each other when he talks about things like: Not missing bids for affection by letting anger or negativity block it                 Harsh start ups, criticisms and holding grudges from past arguments are negativities that help to miss bids Not letting the "Wired World" provide distraction and pulling away               ...

In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", Dr. John Gottman describes what he calls "Love Maps," or the "Part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner."( 1 ) Examples he uses are things like favorite foods, interests, hobbies, desires, peeves, goals, worries and etc. I tend to think of all these as "the little things" my wife says are so important to remember. While it seems like common sense to remember these types of "little things" about our partner, I think it's almost too easy and obvious, to the point where it becomes very simple to forget such things. For instance, I remember that my wife loves odd flowers that aren't the cliché roses or carnations, but can't remember whether her favorites are lilies or not, and what type of lilies at that. I know she likes sushi, but have no clue what the name of her favorite restaurant is even though we'...

The Four Horsemen of Relationship Apocalypse In John Gottmans book "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work", one of the first chapters deals with relationship destroyers he calls "The Four Horsemen" These are the titles he gives for Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. In my own failed relationships I've noticed all of the aforementioned horsemen prevalent during various stages. ·          Criticism , according to Dr. Gottman is, "basically implying that there is something wrong with them. You have taken a problem between you and put it inside your partner’s body. Using the words: “You always” or “you never” are common ways to criticize.   The antidote to criticism is to make a direct complaint that is not a global attack on your partner’s personality." ·          Contempt is "any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts you on a higher ground than your partn...

In the Nov 1996 magazine article, "Covenant Marriage” (Ensign, Nov 1996), Bruce C. Hafen said, "When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent" (p.26) This is extremely important advice to heed, because even people that are the most compatible, the most in love and with the purest of intentions will have difficulty and strife. They will face internal and external troubles almost from day one. If they aren't prepared for this, they will certainly ask themselves, "Did I make a mistake?" when the inevitable 'Rainy day' arises. When I got mar...

In a talk given by Russell M. Nelson August 2014,  he discussed the importance of marriage and defending the definition of such. During this talk he said, "God is the Father of all men and women. They are His children. It was He who ordained marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Marriage was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God!" He then said, "Social and political pressures to change marriage laws are resulting in practises contrary to God’s will regarding the eternal nature and purposes of marriage. Man simply cannot make moral what God has declared to be immoral. Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God." (https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-marriage/ par 25-27) When saying these things Elder Nelson wasn't promoting...