Covenant v. Contractual marrriage

In the Nov 1996 magazine article, "Covenant Marriage” (Ensign, Nov 1996), Bruce C. Hafen said, "When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent" (p.26)

This is extremely important advice to heed, because even people that are the most compatible, the most in love and with the purest of intentions will have difficulty and strife. They will face internal and external troubles almost from day one. If they aren't prepared for this, they will certainly ask themselves, "Did I make a mistake?" when the inevitable 'Rainy day' arises.

When I got married at the "ripe old age" of 26, my bride and I were prepared to face difficulties and contention, since we had dated for three years to that point and had already faced troubles. What we were NOT prepared for, was how to solve the problems we faced in order to get through them successfully. I know my own weakness (when I decided on marriage), was looking at the partnership too minimalistic. "If it doesn't work out, we'll just get divorced" is what I'd accepted. What I should have said to myself was, "When troubles arise, what will we do to get past them and improve things?" We were both prepared to jump ship at the earliest sign of trouble (day one?) Though we didn't speak of it openly, we were both in it for our own benefit; wiling to give 50% toward success but expecting more in return. As Hafen said in the article, we looked at our union as strictly a contractual agreement that
could be ended at any time by either party, and it was. We were divorced within two years and haven't spoken since.

Am I convinced that marriage would have definitely succeeded if we had done it through the church instead of through the courthouse? Not necessarily. But I am convinced we would have been more prepared to get through difficulties that were guaranteed to stand in the way of success, and with such guidance may have even been forewarned early on that marriage might not be right for us at all (this would have saved both of us years of heartbreak).

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